Tag Archives: Faith

Thank you God for my 20’s.

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Today is my 30th birthday.  I had every intention of writing all about how thankful I am that my twenties are over and that I get a new decade to hopefully have amazing and wonderful years (like I’ve mentioned in previous posts I’m a natural pessimist).  Yes, my twenties were rough.  College was not what I thought it would be.  I was a straight A student in high school and barely made C’s and B’s in college.  Then I went to cosmetology school, which was the worst decision I ever made.  Several traumatic events happened in my family over the last 10 years or so, including the divorce of my parents.  I fell into a severe depression in college of which I am still fighting daily (I have a much better handle on it now though).  I gained a lot of weight in college probably due to all of the above, and have lost and gained weight several times through various diets in the years since.  Though I love my husband dearly, our marriage hasn’t been an easy one.  Getting pregnant has been a challenge and in May I suffered a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, which led to the loss of my Fallopian tube (possible post about this in the future).  There was at least one wonderful thing that happened! The BEST part of my twenties was the birth of my baby girl when I was 26…she definitely helped make the last 3 years of my twenties pretty wonderful and helped to make up for the years before she was born!

I’m saying all this to let you in on a well-known secret: life is hard and sometimes it really sucks!  So many people see my instagram or facebook posts and think my little life out here on the farm is perfect and that I don’t have any struggles.  If I could pick one word to describe my twenties it would STRUGGLE.  I sound pretty ridiculous listing all the bad things that happened like I’m the only person in the world having trouble.  I know there are so many people in much more dire circumstances.  But in saying that, in those moments I felt despair and anguish and loneliness.  Depression is real, and it’s really lonely.

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Makeupless Birthday Selfie 🙂

So…this is where I was going to leave this post: “Thank you God I get a new decade!  My twenties sucked.  I’m throwing myself a pity party.  Bye!”

Well, God had other plans for my heart today.  This morning I woke up extra early and Eden was still sound asleep so I decided to go ahead and do my devotional and pray for our day.  This year I have been doing the New Morning Mercies devo by Paul David Tripp (I highly recommend it!).  I was reminded in it that “life is war.”  Tripp asks what the war is about and he answers by saying that “it is the great war for the rulership of our hearts.” Thankfully, God has equipped us with the armor of God to fight this “great spiritual battle.”  Tripp says,

“We are tempted to have more excitement in the things of this world than we do with the reality that we have become children of God.  We still complain when sanctifying trials come our way and we still tend to credit God with faithfulness only when things in our lives seem to be working.”

Ya’ll!!!  That is so me!  I struggle to see the hardships in life as sanctifying, and I definitely forget that I am not alone in my hardships because I am a child of God.  As I recently read in Eden’s devotional, I’m reminded of the Israelites wondering in the dessert grumbling against God, creating false Gods, and giving up on him.  God rescued them, and though they had to wonder in the desert for quite some time, He had great plans for them and even through the desert HE WAS WITH THEM AND HE PROVIDED FOR THEM.  For ten years I have been just like the Israelites grumbling and complaining, but the Lord has been with me every step of the way.

In reading through my devotional and scripture this morning, my heart started to soften and I sat in my kitchen and I actually thanked God for my twenties and I truly meant it.  Yes, a lot of those years truly did suck and a lot of bad things did happen, but God was with me the entire time.  He never left my side, and he was using all those events to sanctify me and to give glory to him.  The trials I went through in my twenties have made me the woman I am today, and will continue to shape the woman I become.

Thank you God for my twenties.

If you’ve made it this far through my reflective rambling remember that no matter how hard things get, God is with you.  Life on this side of Heaven is war and there will be a constant battle in our minds and in our hearts.  God never said life would be easy or that there wouldn’t be hardships.  We have to be strong in the Lord and persevere.  You’re not alone in this fight.  Be thankful for the years God has given you and brought you through because even when you think they were a waste God has a plan for every moment.  He will bring you through the dessert and hold your hand and mine as we continue to fight this war.  And for that I am very thankful.

 

 

 

 

Leap of Faith

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Well it’s officially been four weeks since Chad quit his job with Adult Protective Services with DHS.  As some of you know, it was extremely difficult for all three of us to have Chad working full-time and then coming home to farm just about full-time.  Plus, it was a very difficult and emotionally draining job.  No one should have to deal with the things he dealt with on a daily basis.  It was wearing emotionally and physically on Chad, which was wearing on us.  He hardly got to spend time with Eden during her first year of life.  Chad and I cherished our hour drive to and from market each Saturday.  We called them our “business meetings” because it was really the only time we actually had to sit and talk and plan.

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I am a stay-at-home mom and I do not currently bring in any extra income.  Yes, I do save us a lot of money by cloth diapering, nursing Eden, meal planning, and budgeting, etc.  However, we still have to have money, especially for my huge college debt!  And not to mention health insurance.  We just aren’t brave enough to go completely without.

We’ve been talking about him quitting for months, but we just didn’t know where the money would come from.  We make good money farming, but since this is only our third year of poultry and vegetable farming (we do have cattle too), we have a lot of expenses.  New equipment and hand-built chicken houses are not cheap!

We knew it was going to be a HUGE leap of faith.  Our spiritual life is a bit lacking I would say, but we needed to trust God more than ever if Chad was really going to quit.  We had to rely on Him to provide “our daily bread.”  And we knew it would be a day to day faith we would have to have.

We have both read books and listened to podcasts about life and being happy.  Chad listens and reads a ton of stuff about finances.  Life is so short.  Why work every single day and be miserable just to pay your bills and have health insurance when you can most likely figure out how to live frugally enough and create enough income to work from home and be happy and have a happy family.  Stuff and money are not the things of happiness.  (Read the Radical Homemaker by Shannon Hayes if you want to learn more on the subject.)

The last four weeks have been a whirlwind.  It’s been incredible having Chad home more.  Before, I had to figure out how to do everything by myself with Eden.  Washing eggs, cooking dinner, bathing me and her, cleaning the house, etc.  If Chad has the time or just wants to spend some time with her he does because he can now.  It’s glorious!  But things haven’t really been normal since he quit.  We’ve been playing catch up like crazy around the farm, and Eden had a huge birthday party we had to get ready for, and then on Friday I sprained my ankle so I’m needing a little extra help from him right now.

I am so thankful God provided us his job.  Though we’ve always had to live frugally, we knew we would have money each month to pay our bills and buy gas and groceries, and we had good health insurance.  Now we have to write ourselves a check each month out of the money we pray the farm makes for us.  We have insurance through healthcare.gov with an insanely high deductible.  Chad will be doing farm taxes with H&R Block during tax season and it looks like he will start doing some bookkeeping soon to bring in some extra cash.  We will be researching some Christian Health Shares too to see if they are a better option than what we have now.  Yes, it is stressful.  No, we don’t know if we will make it.  But we do know that we made the right decision for our family right now.  We will live one day at a time and pray for our daily bread.  Hopefully I can get some of our lovely produce preserved for this winter (once my ankle is better, of course!).  Now that Chad is here I might actually get to preserve some things without Miss Eden getting into trouble!

Eden’s Bible Story the other morning was about the Tower of Babel and it greatly spoke to our current circumstances. Here’s what it said, “It was a grand tower, but something was wrong.  The people were working only for themselves.  God had to show them they would always need His help to succeed.”  We can’t farm for ourselves.  Our business must glorify God.  Even the mundane tasks of cooking dinner and washing diapers are for God.  That is the attitude we must have.  I don’t consider myself to be a super churchy person, but her Bible Story greatly spoke to me that morning.  We can’t keep growing our business with us only in mind.  We must rely on God and not our own strength.

With all that said, I am excited about our family being home together a little more.  Chad is happier, baby is happier, and most importantly momma is happier (ha ha!).  I am so incredible proud of Chad.  He is one of the most passionate and hard-working men I know.  I know our little farming business will now be able to grow even more with him having more time, and our little family will have time to grow closer too!

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