Tag Archives: Motherhood

Reflections on 2016

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Wow!  I cannot believe another year has come and gone.  I’ve said many times that if you would have told me where I would be when I was 28 I would have laughed in your face.  2016 was a huge year for me, for us as a family, and for our farm.

Motherhood

Though Miss Eden was born in August of 2015, 2016 was my first full year as a mom.  It was the year my little baby turned into a toddler, where she learned to crawl, walk, and use her cute little mouth to “moo” like a cow.  It’s the year my little girl learned to give me huge hugs and slobbery wet kisses.  Waking up every morning to her big smile is the best part of my day.  I literally bring myself to tears at time thinking about her not being a part of my life.

2016 was the year I felt human again.  Because of Eden fighting my struggle with depression isn’t so hard anymore.  I have a wonderful reason to get out of bed in the morning.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard some days to find the motivation to do all the things stay-at-home moms do.  My couch looks so good from across the room, but most days I manage to do a pretty good job at balancing the baby, the house, and the hubs…oh and sometimes myself ha ha!

My hope in 2017 is to worry less about how clean my house is and to spend more time loving on Eden.  I also want to start making a daily schedule for us that fits time in just for reading/learning , playtime, nap-time, and even scheduled time for me to do housework, wash eggs, and cook meals.  We read books all the time, but she has lots of cool learning tools I want us to start sitting down and working on together.  I’ve already put all of those items such as her blocks, puzzles, and coloring books on a shelf in the living room next to the little table I cleaned up that Chad and his siblings had when they were kids.

Being a mother really is the best thing that has happened to me and I’m excited to see where it takes both me and Eden this year as we both learn and love together.

The Farm

As many of you know Chad quit his day job in August to farm full-time.  It was a big and scary decision for us all.  So far, it was the best decision we’ve made for the farm and the family.  All of our stress levels went down significantly.  Chad has been able to spend so much for time with Eden.  In 2016, we raised over 1,500 meat chickens and plan to raise many more this year.  We grew around 5 acres of vegetables and hopefully plan to do not too much more than that this year ha ha!  Well, I forgot we will have 10 acres of pumpkins and watermelons on some land a few miles from the farm! And we got 330 MORE hens, which really just started laying in the the past couple weeks. But if they’re laying 5 dozen a day right now on these cold, short days, they will be laying dozens and dozens of eggs in they’re peak!  Which means lots of egging washing for this mama!  It was a great year for the farm in 2016!  But there are some big things on the horizon and I pray and hope 2017 will be a huge year for us!  I’m thankful for my hard working husband who is so full of passion and keeps everything going.  During the Winter months he will be doing taxes at the local H&R block to bring in some extra money since farming is a lot slower this time of year.  Farming (no mater what kind) is extremely hard work and I don’t know about other farmers, but we hope and pray we have enough money to pay our bills each month.  But the lifestyle we get to have because of it is worth every long and sweaty day.  2017 begins our 4th year of farming and I’m excited to see where this journey takes us.  May we have a bountiful crop, lots of eggs, healthy chickens, many happy customers, and of course rain!

 

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So long 2016.  Here’s to 2017-a new year, a new chapter.  May I be the best wife and mother I can be.  May I love myself and be more patient.  May I slow down during the day to meditate and reflect on the goodness God has given me.  May I be more grateful and joyful and complain a little less.

 

***All photos on this post were taken by Samantha Siler at  JS Creations

 

 

Mom Blahness

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So my goal is to write a post at least once a week…maybe on Monday mornings.  Mondays are basically our Saturdays anyways since we are at farmer’s market all day.  On Sundays we have church and often do something with friends and family, so Mondays are our day to relax (or at least try to!).  Well, obviously I didn’t write anything on Monday…or Tuesday.  Chad keeps encouraging me to be consistent on here, but I just never know what to say that’s interesting to other people.  And then I read a blog post earlier this week from a fellow mother who writes simply about her life: her struggles, her hopes, or daily activities, but a lot about her feelings.  She talked about how she wishes there were more blogs like that because anymore they are  focused on one subject, like cooking, fitness, or finance.  It was encouraging to read the comments on her post as well.  People relate to feelings.  And I have LOTS of feelings!  So many that I could probably write two posts a day on here!  I think I’m saying all this because  I’ve been feeling a little blah lately.  I’m tired, have very little motivation, and have been rather negative ( Chad would agree!).

I’m pretty sure my problem is simply myself!  I am so hard on myself and have been my entire life.  I remember before I even got pregnant being so fearful that I would be a bad mom.  And the whole time I was pregnant I worried about the same thing.  I had BIG plans for being a stay-at-home mom.  And yes, I’ve done most of the “granola-hippie mama” things I intended.  But there are several things I just don’t have the energy to do.  Like make ALL my own food.  I was going to make Eden food from all natural products, but if I’m honest she probably ate a whole sleeve of Keebler club crackers today.  And I sometimes use Johnson and Johnson baby wash (instead of the natural stuff) because I have tons of it from all my showers.  And I let her eat pizza and chocolate pudding this week.  Eden has now watched 3 episodes of Baby Einstein today and originally I wasn’t going to let her watch tv at all.  Plus, I asked Chad if he would cook dinner tonight because I just don’t know if I can muster up the energy to do it.  And it’s so easy to tell myself I suck at life and that I’m a horrible mom and I’ve failed miserably!  I know what you’re thinking.  But I know I’m NOT the only mom who does this.  We are all hard on ourselves.  But we must stop it!  We can’t do it all.  We have to stop comparing ourselves to other mamas (and people in general).  And we must quit putting opinions from other people in our head, because most of the time they probably don’t even think those things about us!   If our children are alive, healthy, and thriving I think we are doing a pretty awesome job! 

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Eden Grace sitting on daddy’s lap at church on Sunday! 🙂

On top of beating myself up, I think I’ve been so blah lately because we basically do the same things everyday.  Eden and I sleep in, we eat breakfast, I wash eggs and laundry, and straighten up the house.  She takes a nap in the afternoon while I read or do housework.  Then we help daddy with evening chicken/turkey chores.  It’s pretty boring and repetitive sometimes.  I think it’s so easy for stay-at-home mamas to get in that rut.  Once my sprained ankle gets healed up and Eden’s hives go away (she had a reaction to a vaccine) we are going to plan 2 out-of-the-ordinary activities per week!  They might be on the farm or they might be in town, but that’s my new goal!  If we don’t keep it fresh I know we will both be miserable and bored.

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Poor Princess had an allergic reaction to her measles vaccine (yes we did decide to vaccinate).  So she’s in disposable diapers and clothes-free right now. 😦 

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Playing dress-up with the flower headband future Aunt Chelsea got her! 🙂

So if you’re reading this and your a mom please be encouraged to know you’re not the only one who is ridiculously hard on themselves and feels “blah” sometimes.  You are awesome and doing a great job!  Sometimes you just gotta give the kid her cracker and movie if that’s what will keep everyone sane and happy.  Don’t beat yourself up about it! (I’m talking to myself here).  And if you’re a stay-at-home mom (or even a working mom) who feels like your life is getting boring or repetitive go and do something spontaneous.  Chad and I are planning a hike for my birthday next month and I can’t wait!  Go on a picnic, put together a puzzle as a family, bake cookies, or go to the zoo!  Sometimes the simplest things make a difference and brighten yours and your whole family’s mood.

I know when I’m feeling “blah” or like I’m not the mom I feel I should be I simply grab my little princess and hug her tight.  She’s my whole world and I know I’m hers.  At the end of the day that’s all that matters.  So go find your little one and remind yourself of that! 🙂

Where Does the Time Go?!

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(Written on Wed. April 6)

Today I am frustrated and overwhelmed. Overwhelmed to the point that it’s 10:30am and other than getting up for 30 minutes to help Chad move chickens I just got out of bed. (It was nice and very much needed to snuggle with Eden all morning!) The dishes are overflowing and the laundry has been in the dryer for 3 days with more falling out of the full  dirty laundry basket. I have 2 egg baskets full of eggs waiting to be washed, packed, and labeled.  Ahhhh!!!

I thought I was finally figuring out how to get everything done with a baby in the house: keeping the house clean, cooking a good healthy dinner every night, washing diapers, making Eden’s baby food, washing eggs daily, plus all the random things that come up, and helping Chad around the farm whenever needed. For a couple months I even felt like super mom.  Eden and I were up and ready by 8 everyday and I felt like energizer bunny getting everything accomplished. Chad was sick from work last Wednesday, so he was able to see everything I do in a day from his spot on the couch. I asked him at the end of the day what things I do that aren’t necessary because often at the end of the day I feel like I need way more time to get things done or like I haven’t accomplished much, and that’s without sitting down other than to feed Eden or myself.  He said he couldn’t think of anything I did that didn’t need done and he knows I do a lot around here. Folks, I didn’t even sweep the floor that day, and I normally sweep the floor a couple times a day! I keep asking myself what am I doing that I can cut out so I have more time for more important things. Or what can I rearrange in my daily routine so I have more time. My in-laws think all I do is clean my house all day. I wish I had the time to clean it like I would like because I can’t tell you the last time it’s been dusted. Yes, I am border-line ocd, but my house is not immaculate. I just like things picked up and because we live on a farm (and have a cat that sheds and gets litter everywhere) and everyone is in and out all the time there is a bit more upkeep. Now I can tell you that yesterday was the first time my floor got swept in 4 days and I should have taken a picture of the nasty pile!

It’s ironic that I feel this way because several times this week there have been articles on my Facebook news-feed about “to-do lists” or “what it really important in life” and that it’s okay to neglect things sometimes and spend time with your children.   I told Chad before Eden was born that I did not want to be that mom that was too busy for her children. If they need me I want to be able to stop what I’m doing and snuggle, read a book, or just listen. They are only little once and the dishes can wait.

I think my exhaustion and overwhelmed feelings are a blessing in disguise because my lack of motivation this week is causing me to spend more time playing and snuggling with Eden. (I’m going to blame getting up at 4:30am on Saturday for our new farmer’s market schedule for my exhaustion too! )

So mom’s out there I’m starting to get you. Moms working outside the home and inside the home are all superwomen, even when we don’t get it done or have it all figured out. It’s okay to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. And it’s definitely okay to neglect your house and laundry to read a book to your child. I don’t know where the time goes nor do I have it all figured out yet. But I know it goes too fast, so I want to make the most of every second.  I wouldn’t trade this life for anything in the world.  Even on the overwhelming and redundant days I would rather wash eggs and diapers a million times if that means I get to do those things with my little Eden girl.

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